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Today's Headlines


Amphibian Nuptials Marred by Doubt
     In the Indian village of Dupeuri, an Area Frog married not just for himself, but to appease the Hindu earth goddess Rigveda, for a healthy growing season.  Although honored to be chosen, he couldn't shake the feeling that things were moving too fast.  Just a few short months from losing his tadpole tail, here he was getting married.  Sure he loves his bride, but what had he accomplished so far.  So much to do and accomplish before he settles down.  But the festival plans were finalized so he decided to sell his guitar and amp and go through with this thing...


A Call to Increased Canine Vigilance
     Cats, man.  They are everywhere.  Always sneaking around, looking at your stuff, plotting to take your favorite couch spot.  "Ooh everyone, look at me!  I can get up on the refrigerator!" Well big deal.  Where are you when the 4 year old neighbor kid comes over? better get on that fridge.
     I'll tell you what.  You ever get those claws taken out and that will be a day of reckoning.  Yeah...balance of power will shift.

     Next Issue >>  Area Man Harkens Back to the Days Before Lucky Charms had Purple Horseshoes

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