Area Mother of Three Gives Local Man Beating of His Life

Andover, MN —

He thought he was going out for a quiet evening with friends.  But what Dave O’Brien didn’t know, is before the night was over, he would be on the wrong end of an old fashioned ass whopping.

“When my wife asked me if we should join the neighbors for a trip to Gasthof, I said sure.  I was really looking forward to sampling the Oktoberfest beer and some Sauerbraten.” 

The evening started like any other with drinks and pleasant conversation, which continued through dinner and  afterwards to the bar. 

“The end of the night is a little sketchy.  All I remember is the ride home was like being tied up in a sack with an angry badger.”

An unnamed witness to the beating agreed to speak on the condition of anonymity.  “I don’t know what started it but I heard her tell him  ‘There’s two things I like to do; chew bubblegum and kick ass…and I am all out of bubblegum.’

The accused assailant is not being identified pending further investigation.  Minneapolis Police are not ruling out charges, but a spokesman said it would be “very very very unlikely”.