American Icon Falls On Hard Times

         Restaurateur and American Icon Ronald McDonald was found unconscious and in serious distress last Saturday in his New York City condo.  Family members expressed concerns to police that that they had been unable to reach the 51 year old McDonald, and he had been despondent over recent weight gain, and business setbacks due to shifting dining patterns in America.  When EMTs arrived they found Mr. McDonald unresponsive on the floor of his bedroom.  EMT Mark Whitmore said "He was so large, we could not get him through the door and we had to call in the NYFD to remove the bedroom windows and lower him to the street.  You hear about these things happening, but you never think it could happen to an guy like Ronald." 

     Mr. McDonald is said resting comfortably at Cedar Sinai Medical Center, but both he and his family are refusing to give any comments.  One friend and business associate who was allowed in by family members for a visit was asked to comment on Mr. McDonald's condition.

      "You know, I feel for the guy.  It isn't easy having to walk around 24/7 with a smile on your face.  I think Ron started to use food as a crutch and it just got out of control.  I went through a rough patch myself a few years back.  But look at me now, I can bench press a Buick, and I have never felt better.  You gotta stop eating that [expletive deleted] everyday.  Have some vegetables, have some fresh fruit, try some fish that isn't deep fried.  It's not rocket science.  But don't count him out, Ronald McDonald is a fighter and I guarantee we haven't seen the last of him.  He is going to pull himself back up by those giant red shoes and he'll be back on top."