Area Man Rues Rapid Ingestion of Breakfast Cereal
   So I am about to grab some Raisin Bran and my daughter's Cap'n Crunch Crunch Berries catches my eye. So I grab a 2 quart Pyrex mixing bowl and empty the contents of the jolly yellow box into it. I pour the better part of a half gallon of milk on top and turn the volume on SportsCenter up to a level that can be heard above the rhythmic crunching.
     Tasty? You bet. Nutritious? If you believe the box which claims 17 essential vitamins, minerals and is part of this complete breakfast. One thing the box failed to mention, and my experience of over 30 years as a cold cereal consumer failed to remind me: Corn based cereals have a similar texture and function as eating 220 grit sandpaper nuggets.
     Someone ought to sue that fake Captain and his dangerous cereal. And what kind of rank is Cap'n anyway? Was he in the Navy or is it some kind of bar room nickname he has had since he was kicked out of college for selling weed?
     All I know is there should be a warning label or something on that box, and "Stays Crunchy In Milk" should not be a code for "Will Rent Flesh From Roof of Mouth".