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Ask Dave!® is your chance to, as the name implies, ask Dave his opinions on matters of Life, Love, Finance, Feng Shui, Vitamins, or whatever questions you need answered.

Let me reach into the virtual mailbag and pull out this weeks query...
 

Hey Dave!

Is there any way I can get in on the wind power bandwagon? I am looking for a small windmill (10 to 14 feet high) just to turn the meter dial back a little bit.

Brian Smith
Sent from my HTC Touch Pro2 on the Now Network from SprintR.=

 


Why don't you figure out a way to capture the voluminous thermals coming out of your mouth to spin a turbine - that would be a feat, you officious ass.

To be honest, unless you are looking to pump small amounts of water or practice your putting, windmills are not you best option.  With all the hardware involved, there is just not enough wind in your neighborhood to make it payoff.  Unless you have a $40 million dollar budget and 20 years to recoup that investment.  I think you would be better off pursuing solar piezo-electric route.

So good luck with that...ass.

Sent from my sweet ass Intel Core i7,
Dave


 



 

Hey Dave!

With the Superbowl coming up, I was thinking about making some of the side bets like on the coin toss and first team to score.  Do you bet on these or are they a suckers bet?

Curious,
Eric

 


Ah, how I miss the footloose and fancy free days of my youth spent (literally) gambling.  My old buddy Randy once said that I would bet on Intramural Girls Volleyball if there was no other action that weekend.

But alas, the highs and lows of the gamblers lifestyle caught up with me.  It came to a head the night of the 1992 Sugar Bowl featuring Notre Dame vs Florida when I watched a 2nd half lead slip away, along with the $500 I had delicately placed on Florida to win.  That was the first mistake, the second happened when I told the future Mrs. O'Brien to "just shut up" when she learned of this avoidable tragedy.

Yes, my days as a serious gambler came to an end.  I do still enjoy the occasional baseball wager, and I will eat an eggsalad sandwich that was in the back car window for 2 hours, but that is about it for gambling.

If I get the itch, I remember the PT Barnum test that can be applied to wagering: just fill in the blanks - A blank and his blank are soon blanked.

With that being said, I do have $40 on the OVER 19.5 Rothlesberger completions, and $40 on both teams having FG of over 33 yards.   Hey, I am reformed, I'm not dead!

Paramutally Yours,
Dave


 



 

Hey Dave!

With the Superbowl coming up, I was thinking about making some of the side bets like on the coin toss and first team to score.  Do you bet on these or are they a suckers bet?

Curious,
Eric

 


Ah, how I miss the footloose and fancy free days of my youth spent (literally) gambling.  My old buddy Randy once said that I would bet on Intramural Girls Volleyball if there was no other action that weekend.

But alas, the highs and lows of the gamblers lifestyle caught up with me.  It came to a head the night of the 1992 Sugar Bowl featuring Notre Dame vs Florida when I watched a 2nd half lead slip away, along with the $500 I had delicately placed on Florida to win.  That was the first mistake, the second happened when I told the future Mrs. O'Brien to "just shut up" when she learned of this avoidable tragedy.

Yes, my days as a serious gambler came to an end.  I do still enjoy the occasional baseball wager, and I will eat an eggsalad sandwich that was in the back car window for 2 hours, but that is about it for gambling.

If I get the itch, I remember the PT Barnum test that can be applied to wagering: just fill in the blanks - A blank and his blank are soon blanked.

With that being said, I do have $40 on the OVER 19.5 Rothlesberger completions, and $40 on both teams having FG of over 33 yards.   Hey, I am reformed, I'm not dead!

Paramutally Yours,
Dave


 



 

Hey Dave!

I've been doing some traveling around out-state Minnesota this summer and have come across many good pizza restaurants. This always makes me wonder what the name of the pizza joint was that you used to reference as "the greatest pizza ever", I believe you worked there years ago. What was the name and where is this place??

Hungry,
Shannon Wag-on-er

 


Ah, yes.  Rafferty's Pizza in Brooklyn Park, MN.  These were the halcyon days of my Senior Year in High School.  Now, between the lifting up each keg in the cooler to see which was heaviest, thus the one we would drink off of that night, and repeatedly doing "Dough-Hits", my memory of that summer is a little sketchy.

What is a dough hit?  When you mix up a big ol' batch of pizza crust dough, you put it in a giant plastic bag the size of a garbage bag for 24 hours so the dough will rise.  The yeast in the dough eats CO2, gives off alcohol in a gaseous form which fills the top of this bag with what amounts to an aerosol martini.  You then gather up the bag, make a CPR like seal to your mouth and breathe deeply.  (not too deeply though as we found out when Pat Patterson's eyes rolled back and his melon hit the tiled cooler floor with a sickening thud)

The resulting sensation of doing a dough-hit is a mixture of being launched off the deck of an aircraft carrier taking you from 0-145 MPH in 2.6 seconds, and doing the Polar Plunge where you jump into a hole in a frozen lake in February.  In short, Crack has nothing on dough-hits.  But I digress.

The Rafferty's Pizza in Brainerd was still there the last time I looked.  It has been several years since I visited on my way through town.  When stopped to enjoy a medium 3,8, X7 (sausage, pepperoni, extra cheese) I could almost hear the jukebox playing "We Are the World" for the 839th time that day, except for the part where it skipped because Jim Ryan would jump up and down on the machine when he couldn't take hearing "We Are the World" for a 840th time.

I hope Raffery's Brainerd is still there and not a Comcast Office like my beloved Rafferty's Brooklyn Park as I rudely found out when I had to return a cable box last summer...

Who's hungry for pizza?

Also Hungry, (almost always)
Dave


 



 

Hey Dave,

I notice that your Don on your Mafia Wars page is languishing at a meager level 61, How about something for the effort?

A Disgruntled Don,
James Gorney
PS I spelled "languishing correct the first time! No kidding!
 


Yes, you may have noticed that I have stopped playing Mafia Wars on Facebook, due to the fact I have determined that at its core, it is a boring waste of my time.  Not that I don't engage in activities that are a waste of my time.  To the contrary, most leisure activities in which I engage, such as golf, web site design and the correct grammatical use of prepositions in replies to Ask Dave queries are a total waste of time.

Now admittedly, I do grow weary of games rather quickly.  My attention span for gaming is similar to that of Sergio Garcia and girlfriends.

While I still do use Facebook to see which of my friends and relatives are "sleepy like a mofo...LOL!" and who is a fan of Strawberry Pop-Tarts®, I think that is where I draw the <BR></BR> (<--- HTML Joke) 

Knowledgably Yours
Dave

PS  I was surprised to find out that a former Northside boy knows the meaning of languish, let alone how to spell it.


 



 

Hey Dave,

I was just having a hankering for PB&J on toast but wouldn't you know it, I have plenty of PB but no J. Being in the appropriate aisle at good old Cub I got to thinking, what exactly is the difference between jam and jelly and while we're at it how about preserves and marmalade?

Thanks Man,
Amy C
 

Please, no brand names.  If Cub wants a plug from the do.com, they can give me a discount instead of charging me $167 for 6 bags of groceries like they did yesterday. 

And as it would turn out, I do have some knowledge in the area of jams and jellies.  Back in the day, these ingredients formed the backbone of one of my more successful pickup lines "Hey Baby, that must be jelly 'cause jam don't shake like that!"

Actually, there are some basic differences between Jam and Jelly.  Jam is creating using the entire fruit, where as jelly is made with just the juice of the fruit.  Preserves are really just another word for jam, but marmalade is a disgusting spoonful of chopped fruit, rinds and all.  Marmalades are many times used as an accompaniment to a main dish, as in "You know this McRibb® Sangwich could really use some more marmalade".

For my money, I don't know why anyone would want to screw up the perfect food like peanut butter with jelly.  But I do like a little on a piece of toast every now and again.  So I guess what I am saying is, that makes me a jelly man, both in the arena or fruit spreads and women's hind quarters.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 



 

Hey Dave!

If I buy a lunch at a Taco Bell drive-thru may I refill my pop at another Taco Bell?

From the mobile device of
Brian Smith
 


     Ok.  We get.  Your very important.  You can send an email from your phone.  Look at me!  I'm talking into a tiny Bluetooth headset!  Impressive.

     As far as refilling your fast food soda, there are some very specific rules here.  You can refill the your soda from the restaurant where you bought it at any time that same business day.  If anyone gives you a hassle you can say "What?  I ordered a #2 with no pickles from that kid at register 2.  I'm not allowed to refill my beverage?  I want to speak to your manager...Antonio"  and when you say Antonio, you have to pause long enough to theatrically look at the persons nametag and use their name.

     Now the 2nd one is a little more dicey.  Lets say you buy a Cheesy Bean and Rice Burrito and a medium Mountain Dew from the Taco Bell in Minnetonka.  You then travel to Coon Rapids and see the Taco Bell there.  Can you walk in and refill?  The answer is yes, but you must have at least a small amount of ice left.  This is so you can shake the cup and pretend to take the last sip from the cup as you pass the register.  This tells them just going to top 'er off before I leave.

Of course if you are a pretentious ass, you can pretend to be too busy to notice anyone as you are sending an email from your phone.  Ass.

 


 



 

Hey Dave!

What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Eric Strey
Minnetonka, MN

 


     Now the obvious question that comes to mind is African or European Swallow.  But I am not going to ask that.  No, there are too many varieties of swallows in the Genus Hirundo.  For the purposes of this argument, we will draw upon some generalities of the various species.

     While looking through some back issues of the Journal of Experimental Biology I had in the downstairs bathroom, I ran across some averages of wing beats per second and wing angles of various birds.  Using their data I would estimate the average airspeed of an unladen swallow to be between 8 and 10 meters per second or roughly 17.9 to 22.3 miles per hour.

     And no, I am not suggesting that coconuts migrate.

 


 



 

Hey Dave!

If my Ash Wednesday Services were cancelled for Church tonight, does that make it Fat Tuesday again?

Jennifer Aither
Ripon, WI

 


     While I don't normally delve too deeply into ecclesiastics, lets be honest, it has been a dry winter for Ask Dave questions.

Back in my single days, we used to call many a Tuesday night Fat Tuesdays depending on who we went home with after a Hoopsnakes show at the 5 Corner Saloon.  HEY-O!

Unfortunately, there are very few do-overs when it comes to Christianity.  You either believe in a loving, omnipotent God, or you are a Presbyterian.  Pick a side.

You should also have a care with what you wish for.  I think if you were to drop dead while flashing your boobs to the crowd to get some more beads on do-over Fat Tuesday, you would reach heaven with some serious 'splainin' to do.  And besides, didn't you see the movie Groundhogs Day?  It would probably get old in a hurry.  You would start thinking how you were going to give up soda or watching American Idol as your Lenten Sacrifice, and you would start feeling guilty about it.  And the guilt is really the whole point anyway isn't it?

Plus, no Lent = no 99 cent McDonalds Filet o' Fish.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave

P.S.  Now this is a first, but I am going to ask the Ask Dave questioner:  What is the current conventional wisdom on additional homeowners insurance to cover a back yard swimming pool?  $1 million, $2 million?  Does inground or partially inground make a difference?  On a particular weekend that I am planning to drink 37 MGD lights can I call my agent and increase the insurance just for that weekend?  Just curious.


 



 

Hey Dave,

I was just reading that excellent (see www.daveobrien.com/popups/kenc.asp) article about Ken Carlson. Is he the same Ken Carlson that starred in such films as "The Construction Guy Pounds Hard", "Star Whores" and "Free Willy" the unrated version?

Carol
 


     To answer your question, no, I don’t think that sounds like the Ken Carlson I know.

     I think the Ken Carlson you are thinking of was in “Does Size Really Matter?”, “AARP – Not Just For Grandpa” and the Philipino Health Ministry Film “Gau’gu, tarentado, buong-boung”. I will admit, that one loses a little something if you don’t speak Tagalig.

     And I hear they are starting production on “Hunting - Small Prick, Big Gun”, and finalizing the script for “Fishing – How To Do It, And Why You’d Want To”

     Next time I see him sweeping the warehouse, I will let him know he almost had a fan.
 

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 



 

Hey Dave,

Could you explain why the television in my bedroom is about 5 seconds ahead of the television is my family room? Is there some sort of time warp that is happening here?

A C
Richfield MN


 

     Much in the same way that water bends light rays, the intense field of desperation that surrounds and emanates from your bedroom area affects the electromagnetic spectrum, thus changing the Cable TV signal.  Digital cable runs right around the 566 MHz, so depending on the the day of the month, how many romance novels you have read recently, and how chocolate you have consumed, the signal can be  increased in speed by anywhere to 3 seconds to 8.6 days.

     Conceivably, if you play your cards in the romance department correctly, you could watch the Super Bowl in mid-January.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 



 

Hey Dave!,

What are those things on telephone polls that look like big cans?

Kevin Johnson
Brooklyn Park, MN

 

     I never pass up an opportunity to answer a question that contains the phrase “big cans”.  Those big cans are nothing more that giant capacitors that act as buffers so there is an even flow of electricity. There are a lot of steps between the generation of electricity, and you TIVOing American Idol.  Think of electricity running through the power line like water flowing through a hose. If you had to move a large amount of water over a long distance you would want it to travel through a large hose. But once that water got to your house and your kitchen sink, you don’t want the faucet to deliver 10,000 gallons per minute. It has been stepped down from that big hose to a little hose.

     Electricity is no different. They step the voltage up tens of thousands for transfer across the state and across town and by the time it gets to your house, you really only need 110 volts. So it is stepped up and back down by transformers along the way, and those capacitors provide a nice even flow of electricity during its trip.

     Good stuff. Not only did I get to say “Big Cans”, but I also said “Big Hose”.
 

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 



 

Hey Dave!,

Do we really save daylight during daylight savings time or is merely
deferred daylight? If it is saved, where do they keep it?

Bill M.
(Former Boss, Current CIO of a Fortune 100 Company and clearly the man with the most Juice I know)
 

Dag-Yo! You sure gots a lot of free time to be aksing all these questions.

To answer your question, yes, daylight savings time is actually saved.  You know how when you are standing in line to have your license renewed, or getting that one exam with the pointer finger recommended for males over 40, or serving as a corporate officer for doomed new and pre-swung sporting goods retailer?  Well, time seems to drag doesn't it?  What is actually happening, is all the pressure built up by that saved up time is leaking out.  It has to bleed off or it could cause a rip in the time-space continuum, and we all know how bad for business that could be.

Yet another example of why I think that Ben Franklin was the smartest, and most smooth talking of all the founding fathers.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 



 

Hey Dave!

I hope you can settle a longstanding dispute between my wife and me. Is professional wrestling real or fake? My wife says it's real - I say she's full of crap. Although, I must admit that fake blood looks pretty real sometimes. Please answer soon - We've got five bucks riding on it.

Joe Gorney
Dallas, TX

 

     Thanks for the question Joe.  This is one of those areas where if you ask the question, you better be prepared for the answer.  Pro wrestling or "wraslin" as it is called in some parts, can be a very touchy subject.  Like me, growing up on a steady diet of the AWA.  Andre the Giant, Jerry Blackwell and Sheik Aden-el Casey, "Jumpin" Jim Brunzell and of course 94 lb Promoter Wally Carbo "There's gonna be fines and suspensions!"  I wanted to believe it was real, but just like when you were a kid and you thought your dad was Superman, eventually you figure out he was really just a drunk guy in a cape.  You can't escape it the conclusion: Pro Wrestling is as about as real as Carmen Electra's boobs.

     That is not to say that gigantic men in tights, pumped full of bovine growth hormone, don't theatrically hurt one another causing great harm.  I am sure it hurts to be hit by a folding chair, or catch an elbow flying in from the top rope or smell what the Rock is cooking.  But unlike Carmen Electra's boobs, I can't stand watching pro wrestling.  I have forbidden it in my house.  But in fairness, it doesn't get much better than when Jesse Ventura would call Tito Santana "Chico Santana" or Randy Macho-Man Savage would announce "I think I am going to let Elizabeth touch the belt...oh I changed my mind"!

     So, while it pains me to say it, I think you have a 5 spot coming your way, because Pro Wrestling is indeed fake. And so are Carmen Electra's boobs.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 


Here are some previous weeks Questions.  Consider it a "Best of Ask Dave!®" episode.
 

Hey Dave!,

Is it true that if you had found gingerbread lattes while at [Now Defunct Golf Retailer and Former Employer] that we could have saved the company?

Bill M.
(Former Boss, Current CIO of a Fortune 100 Company and clearly the man with the most Juice I know)
 


Thanks for the question Bill.  You may have inadvertently started a new feature:  "Hey Dave, What if?"  Like, Hey Dave! What if Dewey had defeated Truman or What if the Beatles had decided to go into a career as car salesmen?  It has potential.

To directly answer the question, no, I don't think [Former Employer] could have been saved by the introduction of specialty coffees to the IT staff.  Think of it this way.  You can tie a chair to the end of a string and call it a kite.  Now if you run fast enough, that chair will get air borne.  But lets be honest, even after several lattes, I don't know anyone who can run 160 mph. 

No, I think most would agree, the problems with the business model at [Former Employer] could not be overcome by a mere caffeinated beverage, no matter how creamy and delicious it may be.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 



 

Hey Dave!,

Why is it when you make chocolate milk by mixing chocolate syrup and plain old white milk, if left to sit it will separate and the chocolate milk purchased at the store does not?

Thanks
Amy C
Sent from a large Minneapolis based consumer electronics retailer's email address (the one with the big yellow tag for a logo, now get back to work)
 

Holy Crap.  That is a really good question.  Luckily the crack Ask Dave Staff is very knowledgeable in the arena of fortified beverages.

Back in Ye Olden Days, when you had to milk your own cow and pour it right from the bucket onto your Honey Bunches of Oats, it was a crap shoot what you were going to get.  Heavy cream, buttermilk, whole milk.  Because the milkfat is heavier than the cream, the cream rises and the milkfat settles to the bottom.  Not to mention, there are probably little bits of straw and cow hairs in there too.

The dairy industry, or Big Milk (which incidentally was one of my high school nicknames) decided this was just plain gross.  So they went about perfecting a way to put the milk into a more stable state so it would not separate.  Homogenization is the process which milk is put into a state which evenly holds the different weights of milk parts.  The unprocessed milk is shaken violently (it's been years since I had my milk shaken violently) or sprayed through nozzles at high pressures. 

The Wisconsin Dairy Board describes it this way: "Homogenization breaks up and disperses milk fat throughout milk, resulting in a smooth, uniform texture. Most whole milk is homogenized to prevent the cream from rising to the top."  And you thought Wisconsin farmers were slow.

So in this example, when you add chocolate product to your plain old white milk, it is more dense then the equally weighted homogenized milk and it ends up at the bottom of the glass.  Where as in the store bought homogenized chocolate milk, the chocolate product is equally dispersed with the milk fat and is suspended.  And here all this time you thought it was magic.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 


 

Hey Dave!,

A pal of mine is telling me that I need to start playing “World of Warcraft,” but I’m nervous. Will I turn into a pale, overweight, unemployed, liberal sloth? And what exactly is “World of Warcraft”??

Mark Simpson
St. Louis Park, MN
 

Careful my boy, you are already a pink slip away from filling that dance card out.

Blizzard Entertainment's World of Warcraft® has won all the awards, and is the king of all the MMORPG - Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game games.(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mmorpg)

Being on the cutting edge of things that would be sure to get you beat up when you were 13, I used to play Ultima Online, which was really the first game of this size and scope.   I found myself coming home from work, playing for 11 hours and repeating the cycle. I finally quit playing when I lost my job, the dog bit me, and my wife left me (cue the steel guitar).

Last year, some guys at work were talking about World of Warcraft.  Like a reformed alcoholic stranded in Lynchburg Tennessee,  I couldn't take it and started playing it.  It is an awesome game.  The technology has finally caught up with the concept.  Ultima Online was plagued with downtime and lag and all varieties of annoying technical difficulties. WoW has a rich extremely detailed interface and story line.  And while the addiction was not quite as powerful as with UO, I did begin to pour vast amounts of free time and $15 a month into WoW.  I quit playing earlier this year, right up until I got this email when I started up again.

So if you find yourself on the Llane Realm and want to run a few Instances, look for a bad ass level 49 Dwarf Hunter named Orlon.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 


Hey Dave!,

Who do you think killed Kennedy?

Jon Hillsburn
Bend, OR
 

The crack Ask Dave!® staff rarely sticks it snoot into areas where it doesn’t belong, but I will give you the skinny on what is referred to as ‘That Whole Kennedy / Dallas Deal”.

Oswald/Lone Gunman- While the sexy lifestyle of the lone gunman is an appealing story, I wouldn’t have trusted that nut to be able to accurately follow the Washing and Care Instructions on a cotton tee shirt. So Oswald is out.

Organized Crime- The Mob? It does sort of fit their MO. Shot in the head while in the back of a Lincoln, yeah – that says mob wack all the way. But it was a relatively high profile crime. It definitely made all the newspapers, so I think the mob is out.

Castro- That guy had enough problems of his own without planning and executing an assassination. And I think he would have had trouble blending his Marxist-revolutionary-hit-squad in with the crowd in Dallas in 1963. Unless they were planning to kill him with gardening implements.

No, none of those popular theories hold water with me. It is quite clear that the death of the 36th President of the United States was the result of a drug deal gone sour. We’ve all seen it a thousand times. A guy trying to make a buck flies into a border state for the afternoon with a briefcase full of money, ends up with a slug in his head, and the dealer winds up with keeping his product and the briefcase of cash. The whole thing went down in front of his old lady, it’s sad really.

Wouldn’t that be cool if in the Zupruter Film instead of his head coming apart, Kennedy wheels and deals on some punk Dirty Harry Style? Oh well, he wasn't packing that day, so we will never know.  So, let that be a lesson to you kids, if you’re going to carry cash, carry a gun.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 


Hey Dave!,

Has an individual state of the United States ever declared war on a foreign nation?

Randall R. Knight
North Hudson, WI
 

The crack Ask Dave!® staff can only find a single instance of an individual US State declaring war on a foreign nation. The governor of the great state of Maine, John Fairfield declared war on England over a boundary dispute between New Brunswick and northern Maine. Things settled down before any blood was shed, but reportedly the sinking of the USS Maine anchored in Havana Harbor back in 1898 that started the Spanish American war was actually a contract hit in retaliation.

Just for clarity, as we all know, the authority to declare war is given to the US Congress alone as spelled out in Article I of the US Constitution. So if an individual State did decide to declare war, it would be without any legal authority whatsoever. Thus your question is irrelevant, and almost landed in the “stupid question” pile.

If you want it to take things to a level below individual States, I can site many examples of brothers declaring war on one another, such as the infamous Chip/Joe Gorney “Pencil in the Bottle of Pepsi During a Particularly Intense Game of RISK” War of 1978, which resulted many months of uneasy peace and a broken wrist for Joe. Or the “Good God…How Does He Stand That Bitch” War of 1960 where hostilities broke out after comments were overheard by Steve Jensen made by his brother Chuck regarding certain opinions about his brother’s new girlfriend.

There are also numerous examples of businesses declaring war on high prices, usually around Memorial or Veterans Day.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 


My husband wants to know who is Dave O'Brien?  Is he just apart of my vivid imagination? He thinks that you really may be Bill Brasky!

Penny Hestad
Minnetonka, MN
 

Well Penny, that is a common mistake. 

Much like Bill Brasky, I have achieved a certain folk-hero status for many of my exploits with former Employers.  While unlike Brasky,  I have never eaten a homeless person on a dare, or had sex with a cigarette machine, but I did once send out an email to the entire company aliased as an annoying co-worker reminding everyone to wash their hands after they "make a pee-pee".  Remember Kids, it pays to keep an updated resume on hand for those times that you get fired on the spot for misuse of the company email system.

It is these kind of Bunyonian stories that keep the name "Dave O'Brien" alive, long after I am gone.  It is a little like when you cook sauerkraut and days later you keep thinking you can catch a wiff of it.  I am that sauerkraut. So, Penny, while I may need to give your better half a crisp scissor-kick to the head for doubting my existence, I do understand the confusion.


Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 


 

Hey Dave-

How can phone line DSL be so much faster then a modem and still let you use the phone at the same time?

Dion M.
Ramsey, MN
 


Interesting question and I’m glad you asked.

DSL (Digital Subscriber Line) Internet service is able to run on a phone line at the same time as voice service due to the nature of analog signals running on copper wire. Even though it is called a Digital Subscriber Line, the portion of the journey that rides the phone line is Analog. Since voice communication takes up relatively little bandwidth on a pair of copper wires, some room is left over in the area that is a slightly higher and slightly lower frequency. The DSL signal piggybacks in this area that is above the frequency being used by the voice traffic. Sort of like when I had to hitch a ride on a freight train from Elsnore Washington to Mandan North Dakota. A guy can learn a lot riding the rails. If you give me an onion, a shoelace and a Mr. Coffee and I can make you some Hobo-Chili! But that is another story. So basically, the DSL signal runs on a different “Channel” if you will from the voice traffic, in a similar way that different TV channels ride the same cable at the same time.

As for it being faster than dialup, there is only so much data you can pack into the same format as voice traffic.  DSL uses a different kind of signal than voice, so it is like getting 6 pounds of beans into a 5 pound sack. Sort of similar to many prom dresses I have seen over the years. Click here for an example.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 


 

Hey Dave-

My golf drives have a terrible slice. I have tried everything and I still the slice. Do you have any sure fire ways to correct a slice???

Signed:
Desperately in the Rough
(name withheld as to not embarrass my brother-in-law Charlie Weis of Webster WI, 54893)
 


D.I.T.R, if I could answer this question, I wouldn’t need to hold down a day job as a network jockey for the world leader in high pressure pumps, Cat Pumps. (www.catpumps.com for those of you who have desalinization or barnacle removal needs)

My advice would be to take the change out of your right pocket and put it in your left, turn your hat around backwards, and don’t think about Rene Russo is a tight skirt. It works for me, it worked for Ray “Tin Cup” McElroy.

There are some technologies that can help influence your drives, such as a weight biased club. The Ask Dave!® Staff highly recommends a club such as the Callaway Fusion FT-3 Draw Bias. The draw bias club has more weight in the heel of the club, than the toe, so it promotes a draw spin or as I call it “SliceFighter”™ (patent litigation pending). There are some drawbacks to this however such as reduced distance due to the side spin generated, the price of said club, not to mention the heartbreak of psoriasis.

Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet when it comes to correcting a slice. I would recommend an hour with a PGA Certified instructor at your favorite course. Only he or she is qualified to break down that God awful trigonometry you call a golf swing. Lets face it, you have custom built that broken screen door swing of yours over the past twenty years out of a thousand tips, trick and tweaks.  Mess with it at your own peril.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 


Hey Dave-

We have this big maroon tool box at work. It says, Jobox. I want to know.
Is it a jo box or a job ox?

William Miller
Princeton, MN
 
 

Well, William-  Thanks for your Question, and I’m glad you asked.

I am a big fan of labels and sayings on products. Some of my favorites are "caution: filling may be hot", "not to be taken internally" and “Warning: A Red Rump May Signify Sexual Readiness".

The proud name of JOBOX is a product line of heavy duty tool boxes and cargo carriers made for the professional contractor trades, manufactured under the Delta Tool brand by the Danaher Corporation of Hunt Valley, MD. The name comes from the local Nanticoke Native American tribe word Johaba loosely translated to English “carries a shit-load of tools”. 17th Century Ferriers and Blacksmiths settling in the Chesapeake Bay area took to calling their large steel banded oak tool chests Joba Boxes, taking the Indian name because indeed these chests did carry a shit load of tools.

So in answer to your question, it is pronounced ‘JOB–box’, or JAHAB-box to be true to it’s Native root word. “Whitey” or “The Man” if you prefer, began painting the word JOBBOX on their line of tool chests in the mid-nineties which are still selling today at http://www.deltastorage.com.  Most people would think it was a clever combination of the words job and box, but now know you know better.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave


 


Hey Dave--

Are there any foods that never spoil?

Mary Jo Helmbrecht
Centerville, MN
 


Well Mary Jo-  There are very few substances that I haven't idly nibbled on to test their Snackablity® (trademark pending).  Purportedly, the only food stuff that does not spoil is honey. Now in my position as Science Advisor to the daveobrien.com, I have not personally eaten 200 year old honey, but my sources lead me to believe if I dipped a knife into the same jar of honey that James Madison did while he penned the US Constitution, (if you look closely, you can see a stain on the original copy right at Article IV, Section 10, something about states cannot enter into treaties or some such thing) and spread some on my morning scones, it would be indeed as fresh as the very day the bee pooped it out.

Knowledgably Yours
Dave

     

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